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THE CART BEFORE THE HORSE
One school of thought would have us believe that if only we
would cheer on our children more, tell them how good they are,
how much we value them, how much we believe in them, their academic
self-confidence would soar. This school contends that as cheer
leading improves, so does academic performance. This school believes:
first you feel good about yourself, then behavior improves.
Another school of thought believes that if you yell and chastise
them enough, children will make something of themselves. This
school believes: first you feel bad about yourself, then behavior
improves
Brainsarefun is rooted in the belief that putting feeling before action puts the cart before the horse. Simply enough, to feel better about yourself, the first step is to do something, to achieve something very concrete. From this achievement flows proficiency, mastery, satisfaction, good feeling, academic-self confidence, approbation, social recognition, decency, etc...
If you are a baseball player, what counts is executing a good play. First you accomplish the play, then you develop the belief that baseball is a game at which you can achieve.
The same is true of the classroom. First you accomplish something academic, then you develop the belief that the classroom is a place in which you can succeed.
When you are not succeeding it is not enough to be told, "You can succeed just as soon as you rush out and make a great play." A good coach knows that the deck has to be stacked. First success with a small play, then success with the same play again, then success with the same play again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Before long the message begins to sink in, "I can do this! This is something at which I can win."
THE TOP 20%
The really fast learners, the top 20%, always seem to get it very quickly. They are ready to move on to the next play. The rest, however, will flounder by moving on. They haven't had a chance to grasp the first play. The good coach doesn't cater to only the top athletes if the goal is to bring the others along as well. The coach must keep drilling, pick up the speed, make sure each player knows where to stand, keep picking up the speed, until each player develops a rhythm and actually executes the play. From the execution flows belief.
Children who aren't experiencing enough academic success need something new. It's not enough to say, "You can do it." They must be given something very concrete to accomplish, something very clear, something they can actually do.
STACKING THE DECK
Stack the deck in favor of success. A discussion might go something like this:
Parent: "Did you earn your points for getting your assignment home?"
Child: "I forgot."
Parent: "O.K., I know you can remember tomorrow. Our contract says that you can still earn points by starting on time."
Child: "But how am I supposed to start? I forgot my assignment," or, "How am I supposed to start? We didn't get any homework today," or, "How am I supposed to start? I already did my homework at school," or "How am I supposed to start? I can't find a pencil." Or...
Parent: "We can do the Amazing Math Machine. We can chorus together. You can copy*. You can read into a tape recorder. You choose. When you choose to live up to your contract, start on time and stay on task, you can still earn your points. There's a pencil and some paper on the desk."
Short of tearing out your hair, racing back to school, calling friends or borrowing materials, there is little you can do to save the child who has an excuse. The key is to ignore the excuse and bring the focus back to the contract. What does the contract say? When the child chooses to honor the contract, points are earned. Your goal, as the parent, is to allow the child to live up to the terms of the homework contract no matter what the excuse.
Allow the child to win at something very concrete. Don't dwell on what wasn't accomplished (bringing home the assignment), reward what is accomplished (being willing to start on time anyway).
Remember, "Tomorrow is another day."
"BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT?"
Getting the assignment home is the student's job. Parents are not in charge of the choices the child makes to neglect the assignment. No assignment, no points. No points, no reward.
The assignment is not what is important. What is important is the message that you send and what the child learns, "You are in charge. You choose. Live up to the very concrete terms of the contact and earn. Choose to ignore the agreement and you don't earn your points. Today you can't earn your points for getting the assignment home, but you can still earn your points for starting on time and staying on task. The choice is yours."
Reward little steps. Reward approximations. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. First comes the achievement, then the self-confidence, "I can do this. I, too, can succeed."
As the famous lawyer Clarence Darrow summed it up, "This
is how things change: Victory precedes law."
* COPYING IS A NEGLECTED SKILL
For the child to start on time he needs a clear assignment. Make
it clear, "All you must do to start on time is to sit down
and begin copying out of a textbook or a magazine of my choice."
Then , stay on task for as long as the contract
prescribes. Complete
the assignment by copying a page.
Copying takes away all the excuses for not being able to start on time. Remember, at the beginning you are putting the entire emphasis on starting on time, staying on task and completing assignments. What the child does at this moment is not as important as how it is done.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE: ACADEMIC SELF CONFIDENCE © April 2001 by Rory Donaldson. All rights reserved. In order to help reverse the tide of academic failure and optimize success, individuals may copy brainsarefun solutions for non-commercial use at no charge. Contents may not be sold or repackaged in any manner without the written permission of Rory Donaldson. Since all material is copyrighted, please ensure that this entire copyright notice and contact information continues to be attached to each article you download. Mr. Donaldson appreciates the feedback. Additional solutions may be viewed and downloaded at no charge by logging on to brainsarefun.com. New titles are being released regularly.
Suggestions and comments encouraged, email: roryd@brainsarefun.com.
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