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Your Lead Solution Begins Here

- appropriate for all grades and ages -
All learning styles

from Rory Donaldson, Master Teacher

CONTRACTS THAT PUT
YOUR KIDS
IN CHARGE OF WINNING

How to develop academic-self-confidence and achievement.

"Cooperation before instruction" is the great mandate.
Motivation begins with success.

Step-by-step instructions that lead to cooperation and success, including success with HOMEWORK.
What successful students do.

INTRODUCTION: It's time for your child to stop failing and succeed. The following discussion emphasizes earning and winning for all kinds of behavior, all ages. Here's three ideas to use as bookmarks:

  1. When a child is getting to you, don't worry about staying calm. "Acting" calm is enough. Postpone correction, turn your back, stop talking, walk out of the room and stay apart for 9 minutes. Allowing your child to see you acting calm is enough. You don't have to BE calm. The child sees calm and non-reactive.
  2. Stop using "takeaways" and replace them with "earning." Catch children doing the right thing and smile. Stop talking.
  3. Understand that all of us feel anxious and nervous. Being anxious and nervous is central to the human condition. We've been nervous about being eaten for thousands of years.  We've been anxious that we won't have enough to eat just as long. Without these emotions we never would have survived. So don't concern yourself about being nervous and anxious. We all are.

"Cooperation before instruction" is the basic requirement of all sound teaching and learning.

Motivation begins with success.

The single biggest mistake adults make with children is emphasizing take-aways and punishment for poor behavior, rather than "earning" for doing what they said they were going to do. I wouldn't spend so much time developing Brainsarefun if I didn't see so many parents, teachers and children struggle with failure. You wouldn't be visiting here if you weren't in search of some new solutions. With this in mind, lets start at the beginning.

ARE YOUR CHILDREN BEHAVING LIKE WINNERS OR LOSERS?

WINNING BEHAVIOR: Starting on time.
LOSING BEHAVIOR: "Whenever."

WINNING BEHAVIOR: Staying on task.
LOSING BEHAVIOR: "Whatever."

WINNING BEHAVIOR: Completing assignments.
LOSING BEHAVIOR: "Later."

WINNING BEHAVIOR: Homework turned in.
LOSING BEHAVIOR: "I have an excuse."

WINNING BEHAVIOR: "How can I earn?"
LOSING BEHAVIOR: "You owe me."

WINNING BEHAVIOR: "How can I help?"
LOSING BEHAVIOR: "I want someone else to do it for me."

The following email provides some insight:

Dear Brainsarefun, He signed the contract earlier this morning. We made a few revisions after a practice run last week. He made $8.00 last week and he's thrilled to death! (Says he's going to buy a wallet.) Using the suggestions from your website has made a huge difference already. I feel I need to give him points for things beyond that which you mentioned. First, I want a reward system to encourage reading during free time and less T.V. etc. Second, he has developed a weight problem, so I want to encourage more exercise and less T.V.. I don't want to mess around with giving points every 15 minutes. Plus, I have 2 other kids who want to make $$$ now. If this doesn't work out we can change it again later. Just this simple contract has changed his whole attitude. (You'd never know it's the same boy.) He's very motivated (so far.) He really likes having a structured schedule too.

Thanks for everything! Lisa

Dear Lisa, Let's begin by being clear about the behavior you want your son to change. While contracts can help change all kinds of behavior, Brainsarefun focuses on the basic academic skills: reading, writing, listening, speaking, information organization and math. In addition, the three critical behaviors associated with academic success: starting on time, staying on task, completing assignments. Brainsarefun does not focus on changing other behaviors, and warns against throwing in the kitchen sink.

  1. Keep the focus on the three behaviors associated with academic success (starting on time, staying on task, completing assignments).
  2. What are your child's expenses and wants every week?
  3. How much money should your child be able to earn every week?
  4. How much television, computer, telephone and "borrow the car" time?

Reward your children for earning their points, cash out the points daily, let them spend their wealth whenever and however you (the parent) define as appropriate.

Finally. You don't "give" rewards. Students "earn" rewards. Just like real life

And remember: Never, ever, ever give up!

Frustrated parents need a place to begin, a solid foundation on which to stand. "Contracts" provides this firm footing. You and your children shall succeed. I know it. I have helped hundreds of parents establish contracts with hundreds of children, two of them my own. "Contracts" work.

"Contracts" is the core article of brainsarefun because it presents the central idea -- earning for exhibiting the three fundamental behaviors associated with success:

  1. starting on time
  2. staying on task
  3. completing assignments

The first step in effective instruction is to train students how to choose these behaviors. As soon as they do, learning takes off. As long as they are ignored, learning is an uphill and constant struggle.

AT THE CORE OF CHANGING BEHAVIOR IS THIS: When your children choose to live up to their agreements, the terms of their contracts, they earn big payoffs. When they choose to ignore these behaviors, as clearly spelled out in their contracts, they are broke. Failure to earn is not the same as "taking away." Adults, are you ready to stop your punishing and  destructive behavior? Are you ready to stop being reactive? Turn your back and stop rewarding poor behavior with attention and talking. Reward good behavior with attention, smiles, eye contact, a touch on the shoulder, thumbs up.

The point is rather simple: You are going to show your children how to earn big payoffs. Then you are going to shut your mouth and let them earn. You are going to show them what it means to be in charge.


IT'S TIME FOR YOUR CHILD TO STOP FAILING

VERY LITTLE DRIVES MORE SEVERE WEDGES between parents and child than arguing and fighting about homework. These wedges contribute to more academic failure and family fighting than can be measured.

The purpose of "Contracts" is to put an end to the arguing and fighting, and to teach your children how to take charge of their own achievement and success. "Contracts" teaches children the three fundamental behaviors required to succeed with homework, at school, in the workplace. Mimic these behaviors, reward your children for adopting them, make them your own, and your children will do what successful students do:

1. Start on time;
2. Stay on task;
3. Complete their assignments and get them turned in on time.

Simply put, children who are able to exhibit these three behaviors win. Adults able to exhibit these exact same behaviors (starting on time, staying on task, completing assignments) win BIG!

The basic steps require you, as the responsible adult, to:

Parents, a warning: You must face the fact that if you want your child's behavior to change, your behavior must change. You must set up a home where the rules of the game are clearly spelled out. You must stop making excuses about how contracts won't work with your child. You must stop insisting that day-care providers are really as effective as real parents at raising your child. You must choose to act consistently. You must establish very high expectations immediately. Failure to accept these responsibilities will result in one more failure for your child. Your children must not be allowed to fail any longer. Their academic lives are at stake.

"Contracts" contains the information you need to succeed. However, if you continue to behave critically, as a source of free and arbitrary rewards, nagging, fluttering around in a flurry of "helpful behaviors," it is unfair and unreasonable to expect your child's behavior to change. Most children will take advantage of your anxiety and willingness to do the work for them just as long as you let them.

As the adult, it's time to step-up and take charge. You will change from acting like a victim to acting like a leader. You will stop your criticism and nagging and dedicate your efforts to catching your children living up to the terms of their contracts. For every time you criticize, you will catch your children doing something right and reward them four times. You will send your family a very clear and consistent message, "This is the behavior we have in our family." Why? Because it is the behavior that leads to achievement and success. These are the behaviors of people who not only respect themselves, but also others -- this is the true definition of "self esteem."

I have spoken with many parents who tell me that contracts don't work. When I ask to see a copy of their contract they consistently aren't able to produce one. When I ask if they have discontinued all sources of free money they reply, "Usually." When I ask to see a copy of their Daily Report Card they prefer to argue that their children aren't motivated by rewards. These parents would rather continue the battle, no matter what they say. This is the overwhelming reason contracts fail, parents and teachers don't really want to change their personal behavior - they would rather fight than switch.

I have also worked with parents who have reported great success. They are able to show me a clearly written contract. They have eliminated all sources of free money and have stopped paying for chores. They have a clearly posted point chart on the refrigerator door. They limit their help to a few simple reminders, "Time to start your homework. Don't forget to earn your points by starting on time." They have learned to break the vicious cycle of critical nagging, allowing their children to accept personal responsibility for their success or failure.

"Contracts" is not about feelings. "Contracts" is about doing, choosing those behaviors associated with achievement and success. When you change your behavior, you change. When you keep your behavior the same, you stay exactly the same. The minute your children begin to show-off those behaviors associated with academic success they will succeed. Are they starting on time? Are they staying on task? Are they completing their assignments? Are you catching them exhibiting these behaviors and rewarding them immediately?

Here are the very specific steps that lead all of you to change. My experience with turning failure into success is being passed onto you in order to help all of you make the best of the rest of your lives. Believe me, using "Contracts" has helped turn failing families into successful families; failing students into successful students. You can succeed too.

Set your children up to succeed. Catch them doing the right thing. Reward them immediately.

 

Step One
BEHAVIOR THAT WINS

There are three fundamental behaviors that are associated with success and achievement in school and in the workplace. These behaviors can be easily observed, and therefore measured, recorded and evaluated:

1. Starting on time
2. Staying on task
3. Completing assignments

Students (and adults) able to exhibit these three behaviors optimize their chances for success. Those who are unable to exhibit them, lose.

The fact is, these three behaviors are choices that people make. They either choose to exhibit them, or they choose alternative behavior. When they choose alternative behavior they choose to fail. While failure has its own set of rewards (getting dad to turn red as a beet and jump up and down yelling, for instance), failure is still a choice.

There are a small percentage of people who may not have the capacity to make good choices about their behavior (less than 1% of the population), but the overwhelming majority of us exercise significant control over our destiny - not fate, not genetics, not government conspiracy, not learning disorders, or birth order, or different learning styles. These forces may play a role, but ultimately the choice belongs to each individual.

 

Step Two
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO EARN SOME MONEY?

Allowances (and other free rewards) are from the Devil. Why? Because allowances are free money that sends a powerful message, "In this life you don't have to earn; you will be able to get your hands on free money; someone else will do it for you."

I don't get free money, my wife doesn't get free money, and I don't believe my children should. My children do not receive an allowance and they are not paid for chores. Chores are done because we must all pull together to make our family work. I'm not paid for doing chores, my wife isn't paid for doing chores, I will not pay my children for emptying the garbage.

But, our children want many things. They must be given an opportunity to earn them. How?

When they choose to exhibit these behaviors they are rich. When they choose to ignore these behaviors, they are poor. Either way, it is not too early for them to understand that their fortune is in their hands. Earn it and it is theirs. Choose not to earn it and they are broke. Immediately, stop passing out free money and other free and arbitrary rewards.

HOOKS WITH WORMS

Go to your children and say, "Son/Daughter, I would like to discuss with you how you can get your hands on some additional money and privileges. We'll need about an hour. When would you like to meet?"

During the meeting it is very important that you are prepared to write down all of their answers and save them in a secure notebook or file. Very few behaviors demonstrate respect for another person more clearly than taking the time to write down their thoughts and comments. You will want to refer to these notes later. A few drops of ink now will save buckets of blood down the road.

During this initial meeting you are going to spell out a contract that describes exactly how they will earn. The point is, all the free money and all the free privileges that your children have been getting as an entitlement have come to an end. When they earn it, they've got it. When they choose not to earn, they are broke; the television is off; the computer is shut down; the video game and stereo are unplugged; there are no more free trips to the snack shack - not because you are mean, but because you are committed to your children learning one of life's most critical lessons:

Life has the potential to be very rich, but only for those who are willing to earn.

 

Step Three
THE FAMILY MEETING

There are commonly four types of family meeting:

  1. meetings to discuss and establish new contracts;
  2. meetings concerned with specific behavior;
  3. meetings to discuss the future;
  4. prayer meetings - where you ask for the strength and courage to meet your challenges, and the grace to be thankful for what you have received.

"Contracts" focuses on type #1, the contract meeting.

Every home has a variety of unwritten contracts and agreements. The problem is, they are usually vague, arbitrary, non-specific and inconsistently enforced. Typically, no matter what the behavior of the child, rewards are commonly handed out whenever the parent is feeling flush or guilty. No matter what the behavior of the child, rewards are withheld when the parent if feeling broke or crabby.

From now on your parent-child contracts are going to be written, signed, specific, consistent and posted on the refrigerator door for easy reference.

Remember, contracts can always be renegotiated. All it takes is the willingness of both parties to sit down and work out a new arrangement.

RULES OF THE FAMILY MEETING

* Meet with each child separately. Do not hold meetings where children find themselves pitted against other brothers and sisters for rewards.

* Find a mutually agreed upon time when both of you are able to meet. Avoid having anyone enter the meeting angry or defensive because it is in conflict with another responsibility or expectation. Let everyone know that the meeting could take as long as an hour.

* Let your child know that the purpose of the meeting is to discuss how he/she can earn money and other rewards. Write down the purpose of the meeting and hand everyone a copy at the meeting's start. Use the written purpose as a touchstone should the meeting lose direction. Keep the focus of the meeting on this specific contract, not on past digressions, vacation plans, or any other subject.

* Model what it means to stay on task. If there are other issues to discuss write them down, establish a time for a second meeting - but keep this meeting focused on how your child can earn the rewards that he/she defines as important and valuable.

* When side issues and side questions come up, write them down. Let everyone know you'll be glad to discuss these questions and issues at another time, but refer back to the piece of paper that spells out the purpose of this meeting, "To discuss how your child can earn money and others rewards."

* Make sure everyone has paper and pencils for note taking. This meeting must have thorough minutes.

* No phone calls allowed (take the phone off the hook, turn off the cellular, disconnect the pager).

* Agreements and sticking points need to be thoroughly recorded and documented; write them down. They will be referred to at later meetings.

* Should a child choose disruptive behavior during the meeting, or fail to attend the meeting at all, the choice is his or hers. However, you need to remind the child that from now on, in your home, there will no longer be allowances or cash gifts. From now on the child may get her hands on a wide variety of rewards, but she is going to have to earn them by exhibiting specific behavior, clearly spelled out in the contract. Dry up all sources of income and arbitrary rewards. Simply remind the child that when he/she is ready to sit down and negotiate, you are willing - until that time, they are broke.

* Lead. Be a parent. Quit trying to be your child's friend. You are earning the money. You are paying the bills. You are in charge until your child turns 18 and chooses to move out.

Should your child choose to be disruptive at the meting, simply state, "Please let me know when you are ready to earn. It's up to you." Stand up and leave the room without any additional eye contact or discussion. Allow at least one hour to pass before beginning again. Since this is your house, you pay the bills, you are in charge,

* Use the "Talking Stick" (a pencil). Only the person holding the stick is allowed to speak. Always pass the stick clockwise, to the person on your left, never across to another person. If a person has nothing to say, simply pass the stick. When you are through speaking, pass the stick. If someone asks a question it may be answered by anyone in the meeting, but only when he/she holds the stick. Do not allow questions to create a forum for open discussion. The purpose of the talking stick is to allow everyone a chance to speak without the meeting being dominated by the most verbal participant.

* Communicate to your child, "From now on, this is the way it's going to be. You agree. We agree. Now get with it. You want it, earn it."


BEGINNING THE MEETING

Start by asking for some details and write down the answers:

The answers to these questions are clear indications about what is important to your child. How much do these rewards cost? Do they fit into the economic and moral fabric of your family? What goodies do you, as the parent, think your children should have the chance to earn? How long should it take to earn them? Remember, "Contracts" emphasizes earning for behavior around homework, and homework only.

sample contract follows...

 

Step Four
HOW GOOD CONTACTS LOOK

SAMPLE CONTRACT

1. In our family you can earn money and privileges for doing your homework. We will not pay for chores. Chores are responsibilities that all of us undertake because we are part of a family, a team, that must work together for our common good.

2. In our family we have homework five days a week: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Homework lasts one hour. Homework that lasts longer than one hour earns extra points.

3. Bring home your assignment notebook. There must be a written assignment for every class. If there is no assignment write, "none." Bringing home a complete assignment calendar earns 2 points.

4. Bring home every text in which you have an assignment. Bringing home all texts earns another 2 points. (You can not start on time, stay on task, complete assignments if you don't have all assignments, texts and materials.)

5. In order to earn points, all work must be seen by parent. The job of the parent is not to correct all homework, but to help answer questions. Homework that looks complete, neat, and in correct school format earns another 2 points.

6. No arguing earns another 2 points.

7. Child must be on task by 4:00 PM unless parents grant special permission. Parent may remind the child, "Remember, it's five minutes until homework starts. Earn your points by starting on time. Starting on time earns another two points."

8. Children who stay on task for the entire time it takes to complete an assignment (up to a maximum of 60 minutes) earn another two points for every 15 minutes on task.

9. Weekend homework that is completed by 5:00 Sunday afternoon earns an extra two points.

10. A "complete assignment" is one that is in backpack, ready to go. Children who complete their assignments, 100% ready to turn in, earn another two points.

11. Students who turn their homework in on time earn another two points.

The job of the student is to make every reasonable effort to insure that work shown to parent is neat, complete, punctuated correctly and in correct format. In short, ready to turn in. Work not done with integrity earns 1/2 credit for the day. Sloppy, incomplete, inaccurate work earns zero points for the day. This judgment call is up to the parent. If the child chooses to argue and to turn in sloppy and incomplete work, so be it, but it does not earn points. Let the child know, "Tomorrow is another day. I know you can earn your points tomorrow." When the child argues about what the teacher expects, sit down with the teacher and write down the teacher's specific homework requirements.

Signed ________________________________________________ Date ______________

Signed ________________________________________________ Date ______________

Signed ________________________________________________ Date ______________

DISCUSSION

There are five questions on which parent and child must agree. The answers to these questions must be spelled out in the contract:

If there are concerns about homework being turned in, have the child carry a notebook to school in which teachers sign initials when assignments are handed in. When you see the notebook signed, the points are earned. "Complete assignments" are not just assignments that are finished at home, but are assignments that are also turned in neatly and promptly at school. You don't want your child to be one of the many who completes homework and then neglects to get it turned in.

To determine what each point is worth, for what expenses must my child be responsible? Children about 12 or older may be required to buy all their own clothes. Teen-agers may be required to buy their own food, car, gasoline, insurance. Young children may not be required to buy anything other than an occasional treat.

Whatever the expense requirements are, when they are clearly spelled out then it is easy to determine the value of every point. Everyone knows the rules of the game, how to play, and how to win.

THE PARENT'S PART OF THE CONTRACT

I am so committed to your success that from now on I am going to:

Once the contract has been agreed upon and signed, the meeting should be adjourned and the contract posted on the refrigerator door.

When it's time to begin homework it is perfectly legitimate for the parent to remind the child, "It's almost time to start your homework, don't forget to earn your points." After this brief reminder the parent must walk away; responsibility for earning must be thrown into the child's lap. The choice is now theirs. When they live up to the terms of the contract they earn their points. When they don't, they don't. The choice is theirs. Of course, younger children need more reminders about how to earn points than teen-agers. Children who are new to the program need more reminders than old hands.

When children choose not to live up to their contracts remind them, "Tomorrow is another day. I know you can earn your points tomorrow." As soon as the child learns that you really mean it; that he or she really can earn by living up to the contract; that you can be trusted; that you really are going to stop your criticizing; that unearned rewards have been eliminated, significant shifts in behavior can be expected. Since you have changed your behavior, your children now have a reason to believe that behavior really can be changed.

GUIDELINES

COMPETING REWARDS, TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING

Rewarding a child with cash, daily, immediately upon earning his/her points, has proven to be the easiest and most manageable of reward systems. However, too much of a good thing can leave the child feeling satiated (stuffed) instead of motivated.

The old adage "stay hungry" sums it up. When children are hungry for rewards they will be motivated. When children already have a pocket full of money, or a surfeit of television time, then the value of additional cash (and other rewards) is significantly reduced. For this reason the idea is to establish point pay just high enough to allow the child some real buying power, but just low enough so that significant surpluses will not occur.

I always tell the story of the time I reminded my son Mike that it was time to earn his points. "I don't have to earn any points," was his reply. "How come?" I asked. "Because I already have $50."

With this much money in his pocket he wasn't motivated to settle down to his homework in order to earn more. My solution was simple (and painful). I took him to the toy store and let him spend the entire $50 on the kind of stuff ten-year-olds really like (action figures). The minute he was broke he got back on an earning path.

A quick story about my son Thomas, who desperately wanted a $250 video game for Christmas - a gift significantly outside my willingness to purchase. We agreed that if he could save up the money, then he could buy the game. Rarely have I seen an eleven-year-old work harder. In three months he was the proud owner of that game and he simultaneously earned himself a place on the school honor role.

Human beings do not always live up to the terms of an agreement just because it's the right thing to do. Appeal to their self interest. Self interest is the most common motivator of all. A carrot on the end of a stick works better than a stick on the end of a behind. I have heard parents complain that they don't like the idea of bribing their children to do their work. "Earning" is not the same as "bribery." Doing well in school is a child's job, and there is a long and proud tradition in this country of being paid for a job well done.

The problem of "too much of a good thing" is exactly why it's so important to insure that all other sources of income are eliminated. Children are not going to be motivated to earn if Dad is slipping them ten free dollars for gas on Friday night, or Mom is stopping at the snack shop every time the child feels hungry. All competing rewards have to be eliminated. It's time for your child to start earning.

This does not mean that parents are no longer able to buy their children something special. But special treats are reduced significantly and, whenever possible, tied directly to rewarding appropriate behavior. No more free money. No more free privileges. Payment for part-time jobs and chores is eliminated. Money earned and money given from outside sources is put into long-term savings. All spending money is money that is earned for day-to-day behavior.

As the adult, your goal is to eliminate as much ambiguity as possible, establishing a system where your children earn all of their pocket money for academic performance and academic performance only. Your child must achieve academically.

"The choice is yours. When you earn it, you've got it." This is a very fundamental lesson in how the world works; a very clear message that serves all children well. Just make sure that you pay your children immediately in order that a direct relation can be made between behavior and reward. Don't wait to the end of the week or the end of a marking period to reward behavior - it's too late then to understand the link between behavior and accomplishment. They have behaved well, they have earned it, reward them. Let the eagle fly.

WHEN IT'S TIME TO LET YOUR CHILD FAIL

Academic failure is not an acceptable choice for a child. Your child can not be allowed to fail, and failure can not be presented as an option. Too many parents abandon their children to academic failure. I have heard them say,"It's his choice. If he refuses to do the work then I guess he chooses to fail." This simplistic sink-or-swim attitude sounds good, and relieves parents of enormous responsibility, but is not appropriate. Children need training in the behaviors and skills that will allow them to succeed. They need lots of it and, like it or not, the family is the only place they can get what is required. It is not going to happen either at school or at the day-care.

Young children do not have the experience required to make life-altering decisions. The child who chooses to fail must feel the consequences of making a poor choice immediately. Failure must not be left open as a choice that leads anywhere other than poverty.

The child who chooses non-compliance and failure must be impoverished on all fronts: no more television until it's earned; no more telephone privileges until they are earned; no more computer games until they are earned; no more cash; no more friends; no more privileges and benefits, of any type, until they are earned. These points are non-negotiable. Why? Because children can not be allowed to get away with murder - failing to live up to their responsibilities yet keeping all the privileges: money, cars, gas, insurance, television, late hours, friends, etc. Bologna! Permissiveness has nothing to do with love.

Can parents help with homework? Absolutely. The enormous homework burden that has been placed on our children often requires it. As long as children choose to live up to the basic behaviors in the contract (starting on time, staying on task, completing assignments) parents may help. When children choose to ignore their commitments, they must fail massively and immediately. Far better to fail now, when the consequences are relatively mild, than to fail as an adult when the consequences are enormous.

DELAYING CRITICISM

If criticism were an effective way to change behavior, most of us would be saints - and I haven't met many saints. The fact is, criticism, suggestions for improvement and admonitions rarely change behavior. Yet, criticism is almost impossible to stop. None-the-less, count to ten, turn your back, leave the room, put some space between action and reaction, listen to about ten hours of the observation exercise available at Roy Master's excellent site, www.fhu.com.

What changes behavior is social recognition and success, not criticism and yammering about behavior.

HAPPINESS and SELF-ESTEEM

If there's one quality parents wish upon their children, it's self-esteem, "respect for self." Why is self-esteem so important? Because parents know instinctively that people with appropriate self-esteem are healthier, happier, and more productive than people without it. Parents want their children to be healthy, happy and productive.

But the mistake that parents make is believing that children can be lectured, coaxed and nagged into achievement, success and, ultimately, self-esteem. They can't. What leads to appropriate self-esteem (not overblown, narcissistic self-esteem) is effort, being willing to do the uncomfortable, and achievement. Contracts clearly spell out what can be achieved and what effort is required to achieve it. Parent and child get on the same page. Through achievement and its subsequent recognition, respect is nurtured, "Hey, I really can succeed." The most common paths to happiness with which I am familiar: achieving something hard and doing something for another person.

ANOTHER SAMPLE CONTRACT
- see Appendix A for a contract suitable for copying -

Agreed: There will be no more allowances or gifts of cash. However, because having money in your pocket is so important, cash may be earned for living up to the terms of this contract.

1. In this house there is homework 5 times a week: M T W T F S S (underline, circle or check).

2. Homework begins at 4:00 PM .

3. Homework typically lasts 45 minutes (additional points may continue to be earned for extra credit, independent study and longer assignments).

4. Points are earned in the following manner:

All materials ready earns 2 points;
Starting on time earns 2 points;
On task 1st 15 minutes earns 2 points;
On task 2nd 15 minutes earns 2 points;
On task 3rd 15 minutes earns 2 points;
On task 4th 15 minutes earns 2 points;
Work complete and turned in earns 2 points;
Bonus points for neatness and accuracy earns 2 points.

TOTAL 16 points

5. Point Pay if 9 or 10 earned, 10 cents per point. Point Pay if less than 9, 1/2 pay, 5 cents per point.

6. Points will be recorded on Daily Report Card and paid out daily. If agreed, earnings may be recorded in the ledger and paid-out upon request.

7. Cash may be spent at child's discretion as long as purchase is safe, legal and fits within the moral values of the family.

DOUBLE DIP In addition, when 90% of all possible points are earned for the week, points may also be exchanged for the following privileges: television for three hours, video game for three hours, pizza dinner Friday night, sleep over.

I understand and agree to the conditions and obligations of this contract.

________________________________________________________________
Parent's or Guardian's signature, Date

________________________________________________________________
Child's signature, Date

REMINDER: Always frame the contract in terms of "earning," not in terms of "giving" or "getting" or "losing." The emphasis of this plan is to keep the spotlight on earning.

  Don't Say  Do Say
 "Start on time and I'll give you your points."  "When you start on time you earn your points."
 "If you don't start on time I'm going to take away your points."   " Remember to earn your points. Start on time."
 "If you don't stay on task I'm going to take away your points."  "Stay on task. Earn your points."
 "If you don't turn in your homework you'll lose points."   "When you turn in your homework you earn two points."

JUMP START THE PROGRAM

To insure the child gets the idea on the first day of the program you can award 100% of the points if any effort is made. Don't insist the child exhibit perfect behavior, catch them doing something right, reward them. The child then walks away with money in hand and gets a very clear message about how things are going to be when he/she makes the right choice and lives up to the contract. You can tighten up a little bit more tomorrow, but today the child needs the clear message that you really are going to live up to your part of the contract - that they really are in control and can choose to succeed.

When you catch your child doing something right be very specific. Let your child know exactly the behavior you're observing that earns rewards, "Good job starting on time," "Good job bringing home all your work," "Good washing that dish," "I really appreciate the way you held the door open for me." Thumbs up!

THREE ADDITIONAL CONTRACTS (samples included in Appendix)

5-Minute Contract - There are times when you may want to arrive at a special agreement outside the main contract. Quick 5-Minute Contracts can be readily negotiated if, for example, the child needs to attend a special event, or is sick, or has a unique opportunity that is in conflict with what has been previously negotiated. The key is to write it down.

One-Way Contract - This type of contract doesn't require the agreement of all parties and allows you, as the parent, to establish certain and immediate expectations. This type of contract is best used sparingly, and is most effective when the child is unwilling to sit down at the table and negotiate in good faith. If this should happen, it is essential that the adult take control and establish immediate expectations and rewards.

The key to the success of the "One-Way Contract" is to state simply, in a quiet and definite voice, "Your success is so important to me that from now on there are new ground-rules for earning money and rewards in our family. They are posted on the refrigerator door." Then, do not engage the child in an exchange that risks erupting into anger. Rather, turn your back and leave the room. Tell the child you will be glad to discuss the details later, but right now you need a few minutes in your room by yourself. Don't make the common mistake of trying to solve all problems, or answer all questions, at once.

Vacation Contract - Expectations about how time is to be handled during vacations are important. During vacations the child may even need more cash to accomplish all the things he or she can't accomplish while in school.

Vacation contracts should be clearly negotiated to allow the child to continue to earn for academic performance. Work books may be borrowed from the school or purchased at a book store. Extra book reports, research papers, documentaries may be written; practicing touch typing may earn points; music lessons; language tapes; reading. What is important is that the child continue to earn for academic achievement even though school is not in session.

Remember, all contracts may be renegotiated whenever both parties agree to sit down and talk.

 

Step Five
TRACKING AND REPORTING

REWARD IMMEDIATELY

Because behavior that is rewarded is behavior that is repeated, rewarding immediately can not be overemphasized. This is why it is so important to pay for behavior, not to pay for grades. While important, grades are something that occur weeks, sometimes months down the road. By the time you get around to seeing grades all the behavior is over.

One of the many good reasons that cash is so effective is that it can be readily paid out on a daily basis.

Every parent needs a hip pocket of mild rewards. Surprisingly, mild rewards are often more effective than large rewards. The greatest of all rewards is social recognition (a smile, a thumbs up, a high-five, a touch on the shoulder, a hug). An effective reward is one that is introduced after a behavior so that the behavior will be repeated in the future. Rewards must be immediate, consistent and tied to a specific (not general) behavior.

Bad example: Good job doing your homework.
Good example: Good starting your homework on time.

Rewards include:

DAILY REPORT CARD

As points are earned they are recorded on the Daily Report Card (see sample attached as Appendix E). As a reward, older children record their own points. Points are recorded and paid-out immediately upon completion of the homework hour.

A small stack of one-dollar bills and a jar of change comes in handy.

LEDGER

Sometimes children will not want cash. They will want you to keep their money for them. Or, perhaps you have run out of cash.

In this case make a deposit in the child's personal account by using the Ledger included as Appendix F.

The simple act of making the entry and totaling the balance works as an additional reward. Be sure to establish a clear understanding as to when the ledger is to be cashed out. Don't allow so much money to accumulate in the ledger that the child is no longer hungry for more.

Keeping a daily ledger can be as effective as paying out cash, but don't make the mistake of telling your child that you will make a deposit for him/her tomorrow. Bring out the ledger immediately. You want the child to reap the satisfaction of earning and being rewarded immediately. Let your child fill out the ledger with you.

 

Step Six
DOUBLE DIPPING

RETURNING TO THE WELL

If one reward is good, two must be even better.

The first reward (cash) is paid out daily, immediately. In addition, there is a second type of reward that can be very satisfying, and that is the long-term reward, or what I call the "Double Dip."

The Double Dip allows children to return to the well a second time and use points to earn bonus rewards.

The formula for the Double Dip must also be negotiated and included in the contract.

Example: If the child earns 90 to 95% of all possible points for the preceding five days, the family will have a special pizza dinner (trip to the ice-cream store, movie, mall, bookstore...).

Example: Every 30 points earned may be cashed in for an additional hour of television or video games on the weekend.

Example: Homework complete, with no arguing, allows the child to call a friend on the telephone or to send an email.

The idea is to negotiate around activities and commodities that the child finds valuable. Don't only cash the child out immediately for good behavior, but allow the child to work for carrots that are farther away.

APPROXIMATE SUCCESS

Be flexible. Allow your child to earn points for getting close.

There are times when you want to be very literal, "Twenty points means twenty points." There are also times when you want to reward the child for getting within striking distance. Especially at the beginning of the program, be willing to reward for coming close. You can always tighten up the system as the child learns that successes are possible, and that you are going to be consistent.

Always let the child know, "You did such a great job this week I think you earned your reward. What do you think?" It's important not to say any more than this. Give the child a hug, close your mouth and go about your business. Don't dilute the situation with additional discussion, or moralizing, or expectations for the future. Provide yourself, and your child, with an opportunity for self-reflection and self-congratulation.

Double Dipping is a great way for you to say "Great Job!" one more time.

Celebrate!

Your child really has done a great job. Remember, before starting out on this program your child was experiencing few successes. Now your child is actually engaged in earning. This is no time to hold back. Celebrate. Make a big deal about it. Smile. Make eye contact. Show approval. Throw your arms around the child. Both of you have had a success. Your child can do academic work, can improve, can earn approval, can start on time, stay on task, complete assignments. You can be consistent, catch your child doing the right thing and reduce your criticism.

Congratulations! There really is hope.

 

Step Seven
ADAPTING FOR GRADES K-16

FAIL PROOFING THE STEM

Not being a literal "sixty minutes," the Homework Hour is a regular period of time that needs to be adapted to your child's requirements and maturity. A five-year old will not have the same amount of daily homework as a 15-year old, but every child needs a regular period of time during which he/she can be reinforced for exhibiting those behaviors associated with academic success - the same behaviors associated with success on the job in years to come: starting on time, staying on task, completing assignments.

Kindergartners are going to need more support living up to the terms of their contracts than twelfth graders. However, the difficult choice for all ages remains the same, "Parents must allow their children to live up to their agreements, or to fail." This does not mean that parents can't help with homework. You are always allowed to help, but help when it's asked for. Explain that you are willing to help, but you need to be asked. Sit down with the child, on time, ready to go to work.

The goal is to "fail-proof" our children by setting up structures and expectations that allow them to choose to succeed. They can choose to live-up-to their contracts and be rich with plenty of privileges. Or, they can choose to ignore their responsibilities and be broke. I have yet to meet a child who failed to respond to consistent rewards. Children crave rewards and recognition just as much as adults.

Even a five-year-old can understand a simple contract.

1) How many time a week have you agreed to do homework?
2) What time of day does it begin?
3) How long does it last?
4) How are points earned?
5) What rewards do you earn?

PAYING OFF IN SPADES

Contracts pay off in spades as children realizes that homework and appropriate academic behavior are a clear expectation and an integral part of their home. Children love structure and living up to high expectations. Kindergartners may have 15 minutes of reading with mom and dad four days a week (see the Donaldson Reading Program). Older students may have 60 -120 minutes of homework assignments five days a week.

What's important is to start as young as possible - to set up a clear structure and high expectations that can be easily observed and tracked on the Daily Report Card - day after day, year after year. For this is a program designed to be in place until your child turns 18 and steps out the door.

When children choose to live up to their agreements they earn points, earn the right to borrow the car, earn money to buy a car, pay for gas, purchase insurance. When they choose to ignore their contracts, they walk (if they have earned the right to leave the house at all).

Responsibility for academic success is passed from a remote authority (school, teacher, government, parent) directly back where it belongs, directly into the lap of the child.

 

Step Eight
RENEGOTIATING THE CONTRACT

"The letter killeth, the spirit giveth life." St. Paul

Rarely can failure be attributed to a lack of brains. In most cases our children have plenty of brains. So many, in fact, that unless we are careful our children involve us in arguments from which there is no escape. It seems that most of the children I have known are smarter than the most adroit attorney. They prefer to ignore the spirit of what is being discussed in favor of focusing on every letter of the law.

For this reason, alone, you want a number of fall-back positions at your disposal that will allow you to renegotiate the basic contract whenever necessary.

It is always appropriate to negotiate a new contract when what is in place isn't providing enough success. If the first contract isn't quite working, sit down and draw up a second, a third, a forth. It is common for many parents and children to sabotage their contracts because they don't really believe the other person will live up to the agreed upon terms. This is why parents must take a leadership role: negotiate contracts; record points; pay out daily; reestablish trust. The child has to learn that the parent really means it. Parents have to learn the importance of following through on their commitments to their children .

The fundamental purpose of the contract is to further engage parents with their children's achievement. With clear rules in place the game can be won. And never loose sight of the goal, you want your child to win. Loosing has been going on far too long, it's time to stack the deck in your child's favor.

THE GREATEST ERROR

The most common error with contracts is that they start out too complicated. Keep it simple and be willing to reward close approximations, especially at the beginning. You want the child to "get it." You mean, if I do this I earn that? Exactly! Contracts that try to solve all problems (curfews, chores, messy room, poor grooming, music lessons, good manners, taking care of the pet...) become so complicated that they are impossible to track. The remarkable fact is that improvement in one area usually translates to improvement in other areas. Success breads success, so start out simple and put the spotlight on what is most important - academic achievement, that variable which most dramatically influences a child's entire future.

Perhaps you started out with a contract that was too difficult, too demanding, a set-up for failure. If the child is good at getting assignments home, terrific. Reward him for doing the right thing. If she already starts on time, terrific. Reward her. Especially at the beginning of the program, put the spotlight exactly where you want it by rewarding that behavior with the most points. Some children may need five days of just getting assignments home before you can move on to the next step of starting on time. Reward them for getting the assignment home. Remember, your job is to catch them doing something right.

Make every attempt to break contracts into small and manageable steps that can be accomplished with relatively little time or focus. Get the assignment home and the student earns all available points. Then add starting on time. Then add staying on task for 5 or 10 minutes. Then add completing assignments and getting them turned in. The job of the parent isn't to act as a policeman, but as the person at the finish line who holds the checkered flag. When the child crosses the finish line make sure you are there to wave the checkered flag and to pay-off in spades.

THE FINAL CALL

Ultimately the contract is in the hands of the parent. The parent makes the final call because the parent is in charge and is making the payment. Some children may need a brief contract review at the end of every session in order to clearly spell out the next day's expectations and modifications. The more consistent the parent, the more quickly the student will develop trust. The choice to earn is rewarded. The choice to ignore the contract is not rewarded. The days of whining and manipulation are over.

In the case of a child who chooses not make any good-faith effort it is essential to doubly insure that all competing rewards and sources of cash are unavailable. The child will not be motivated if he or she is cash-rich from another source, or is allowed to watch television whenever he or she chooses. The child will not continue to try if too much money is being paid out for homework. The general rule is to allow the child to earn just about enough money to stay broke. Take the child to the store. Go to the movies. Give the child plenty of opportunity to spend what is earned.

With a good contract the child will quickly realize, "Hey, I get it! I can actually do this." They've got money in their pockets. They have some power. They are in control.

This is success. This is what you've been working towards.

"Congratulations. Good job writing down a clear contract."

"Good job being a consistent parent."

Thank you. Your effort makes all the difference.

 

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON REWARDS

"I'm still uneasy with this whole concept of paying children to do something they should be doing anyway. I want them to study out of a real love of learning, not because they are being paid."

The most common question I'm asked about "Contracts" has to do with the advisability of rewarding children for behavior that parents would prefer is "self-rewarding." Parents are concerned about "bribing" or "rewarding" behavior they would prefer came naturally, or from "love" or a "feeling of responsibility."

I understand the question. You don't like paying children for doing what you think they should be doing for free. The answer is, very rarely do most people do anything for free. The two greatest motivators and payoffs are self interest and social approval.

I do my job in order to earn. I have other motivators as well, but earning is one of the big ones. Since I have to earn my way, I believe my children are best served when I teach them how to earn theirs. Since my main interest is educational success, that's where I'm going to put my emphasis. I'm going to put my focus on my children learning to earn and pay their own way.

I am committed to preparing my children for quality survival in the real world. I bridle at the popular idea that we are "entitled." What we are entitled to is "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." I want my children to understand what it means to "pursue," to achieve through their own effort. I want my children to learn, as Christ admonished, to "Do..." Children who begin earning at a young age will not be shocked, later in life, when they must get up, do, and earn their own way.

Why reward with cash? Paying cash sends a very strong message in our society: "I really think this is important." Cash is easy to manage, it is easily exchanged for millions of goodies our society has to offer. Cash is real power. By allowing the child to earn real power you are allowing the child to exercise control. This is not the same as bribery. Bribery is something you do under the table and is illegal. "Earning" is a proud part of the American tradition and is an essential part of growing into being an adult.

Keep in mind, the child does not earn cash directly. The child earns points. Points may be traded in for whatever is agreed upon in the contract. If you believe your child isn't motivated by cash, feel free to agree on an alternative reward system. However, ask them first, "How would you like to be able to earn cash for doing your homework?" Appeal directly to their self-interest. You will find this far more effective than appealing to some abstract sense of obligation or morality.

Here are some points to keep in mind:

  1. To paraphrase Albert Shanker, the late president of the American Federation of Teachers: "Kids are just like adults. They'll do whatever they have to in order to get what they want. If they can get what they want - inflated grades, social promotion, diploma by attendance, open admission to college, free money and privileges - without any real work, then don't expect them to work. Kids aren't stupid."
  2. Going to school is a child's job. Since I get paid for my job, I believe my children should also have the opportunity to earn for doing theirs. No one complains when an adult is paid for doing a good job, why do we complain when we treat children the same? Many parents are willing to pay for chores, why do these same parents hesitate to reward their children for effort that is far more critical to their future success?
  3. The idea of studying out of a "love of learning" is a little specious. Yes, it's a goal, and a path towards that goal is to catch children doing the right thing when they are studying, and rewarding them. Should they develop a love of learning, or not, at least they learn that appropriate academic behavior in this life earns, and that inappropriate behavior sets them up for failure. Now, that is a lesson worth learning.
  4. Children need stuff. There are only two choices, either we give them what they want arbitrarily, or we allow them to earn what they want. I far prefer being out of the middle of the "I wants" and being able to say, "No problem, when you earn it you've got it." This allows the child real power and is a very powerful lesson that can't be learned too early. The problem is, of course, many parents will undermine this model in their desperate need to be liked and to have a friend. Consistency is the key to effective contracts.
  5. Paying for chores and other family responsibilities is of the devil. I do not get paid for doing chores, my wife does not get paid, why should my children? Children, as part of the family team, are responsible for certain unnegotiable chores.
  6. Rewarding good behavior is how children learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. What we are doing is accelerating the learning process. Parents and teachers, certainly, have no problem catching children doing the wrong thing and punishing, why does catching them doing the right thing and rewarding appear so foreign?
  7. Reward behavior daily that leads to good grades on report cards, not the report cards themselves - they are weeks and months down the road.
  8. A person is fortunate to be born with one or two "talents," or , "loves." We discover those things we love by doing them.

    Skiing is an example. We are not born with the skill to ski. We develop this skill through doing. As we become skilled, some people develop a passion, a "love." Doing before loving is one of the brainsarefun maxims.


Most of us do not know what we "love" without doing it first. Contracts allow kids to be rewarded for doing those things they don't yet love. Through success they can learn to love.

Let's discuss the child who doesn't seem motivated and is behaving poorly. Unmotivated students, students who don't appear to be motivated by rewards, are probably extremely shamed, embarrassed and discouraged. They feel like losers. They appear to have given up. Nothing matters. No matter what they try they believe they will fail. They are without trust. All they have left is the manipulation of adults through failure. This is why it's so important to stop criticizing and to establish contracts ( a One Way Contract perhaps, see Appendix) that will reward them for even the smallest effort to start on time, stay on task, complete assignments. This type of student needs a massive rebuilding of self-esteem. The royal road to self-esteem is the achievement of concrete objectives.

Let's discus the child who is highly motivated and is behaving well. Motivated students (the top 20%) are already doing the right thing. Parents and teachers do not hesitate to reward these students with social approbation and acceptance. There is no reason to refrain from these rewards. Reinforce, reinforce, reinforce. Let these students know that what they are doing continues to be the correct choice; hat their behavior will pay off now and in the future.

Too often we ignore good behavior and put our focus on the bad. This result, many times, is that good students end up being nearly ignored except at report card time. Even then we may adopt the attitude that since they have always performed well they will continue, "What's new? Ho! Hum! Good job. What's for dinner?" Keeping even the best students on earning contracts requires the parents to stay involved. The importance of parents being involved in the lives of their children can not be overstated.

Additional articles of great value:

  1. A Menu of Effective Rewards
  2. Rewarding Behavior
  3. Some Additional Thoughts on Rewards
  4. Creating A New Life at Home
  5. Positive Discipline

AFTERWORD - - For those parents who can't wait to change the program and can't wait to get back to punishment and takeaways.

"Catch your children doing the right thing, reward immediately, stop your criticism."

Some of you will say, "Homework isn't my problem. My son's a good student. I like the idea of the program, but what I'm going to do is put the emphasis on helping out around the house and chores."

If you would like to alter the program, give it a try. Remember to continue to tie earning to the three fundamental behaviors: starting on time, staying on task, completing assignments. Spell it out in a contract, your child earns points by starting his chores on time and staying on task until they are complete.

However, altering the program in this manner rarely proves effective. This is why.

I don't get paid for chores. I will not pay my children for chores. Their job is getting an education and they should earn by doing their job. If you are fortunate enough to have a child who performs well academically, what better than to reward that child for everything she is doing correctly? Reinforce her. Keep the spotlight right where it belongs. Let the child know how much you value academic achievement.

"Catch the child doing the right thing, reward immediately," should become your motto. You have a child who is doing the right thing. Catch her and reward her. Pay attention. Let her know you notice. Reinforce good behavior. Too often good students are ignored until they do the wrong thing and are then criticized. Is it any wonder they sometimes believe that no matter what they do they can't win?

"Daughter, you do such a great job with your schoolwork that I think you should be rewarded. How would you like to earn some extra money?" Then hold a family meeting; draw up a contract and get to work.

You still want that messy room cleaned up and some help emptying the garbage, but tackle one problem at a time. First, you and your child get into the habit of living up to a contract. This will establish even more trust and family unity than you already have.

Keep that spotlight where it belongs, academic achievement. This is critical for the reasons already mentioned, but also because as children enter adolescence their attitude towards school sometimes changes. Who was once a great student may suddenly turn. With a strong program already in place you are ahead of the game. Either way, you are ahead of the game by rewarding your child for good behavior. You are solidifying those behaviors that will allow him or her to win BIG as an adult.

Establish a strong homework contract, work out all the bugs, pay off regularly, double dip like crazy and in about six weeks make a simple statement, "This is working so well I'd like to hold another family meeting." At this meeting explain how you need some additional help and that their help is needed. Explain how you are willing to help and what your roll will be in keeping their room clean. Explain what you need from them. Let them know that the final step in the new contract will be a sign off. When they have completed all their homework you will pay them out, just as you have been doing. But there is one additional step. One particular chore must also be complete. Make sure you tackle only one small chore at a time. Don't throw in the kitchen sink. Make sure the chore is written down and thoroughly described in the contract. By what time must it be started in order to earn points? When must it be complete?

Build. You can do the right thing. Keep the spotlight where it belongs, "Catch your children doing the right thing. Reward immediately."

Yes you can. You can do it. Now, what time is that family meeting?

Link to sample Basic Contract suitable for photocopying...

- end of article -

APPENDIX - Blank forms for photocopying

 

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE: "Contracts That Put Your Kids In Charge of Winning" © February, 2001, 2010 by Rory Donaldson. All rights reserved. In order to help reverse the tide of academic failure and optimize success, individuals may copy Brainsarefun solutions for non-commercial use at no charge. Contents may not be sold or repackaged in any manner without the written permission of Rory Donaldson. Since all material is copyrighted, please ensure that this entire copyright notice and contact information continues to be attached to each solution you download. Additional solutions may be viewed and downloaded at no charge by logging on to Brainsarefun.com. New solutions are being added regularly.

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