Return to brainsarefun homepage
Go to the Brainsarefun Index of All Solutions and Research Results

REWARDING
BEHAVIOR

Summary: Rewards can actually change behavior for the better. Punishment rarely works the way that's wanted. The problem is that both rewards and punishment are usually ineffective. Almost everything we do results in massive "unintended" consequences (appropriately called "blowback"). We must be very vigilant in our efforts to change behavior.

NOTE: Rewards should never be confused with candy. The best rewards are a thumbs up, a smile, eye contact, a touch on the shoulder, a kiss, a hug, approbation... Rewarding with candy and other "monetary" items is fraught with peril. Don't do it. Money, for instance, should be "earned," not presented as a reward.

I often hear parents say, "I'm uneasy with this whole concept of paying children to do something they should be doing anyway. I want them to study out of a real love of learning, not because they are being paid."

This is probably the most common comment I hear about "Contracts". Parents are concerned about "bribing" or "rewarding" behavior they would prefer came naturally, or from a "love" or "feeling of responsibility."

I understand the question: Parents don't like paying children for doing what they think should be done for free. My response is, "Very rarely do we do anything for free." The two greatest motivators (rewards) in life are self interest and social approval. Simply enough, human beings really like to be rewarded. This is the way things really are - not some pie-in-the-sky mumbo jumbo.

I do my job in order to be rewarded. I have other motivators as well (the utility of brainsarefun for instance), but being rewarded with my paycheck is one of the big ones. Since I have to earn my way, I believe that children should also earn theirs. Since my main interest is educational success, that's where I put my focus. I reward those behaviors associated with academic success. My children earn for exhibiting those behaviors: starting on time; staying on task; completing their assignments.

I am committed to preparing my children for quality survival in the real world. I bridle at the popular idea that we are "entitled" to a plethora of privileges. What we are entitled to is "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." I want my children to understand what it means to "pursue," to achieve through their own efforts. Children who begin earning at a young age will not be shocked, later in life, when they are required to make their own way.

Why reward with cash? Paying cash sends a very strong message in our society: "I really think this is important." Cash is easy to manage, it is easily exchanged for millions of goodies. Cash is real power. By allowing the child to earn real power you are allowing the child to exercise control. This is not the same as bribery. Bribery is something you do under the table and is illegal. "Earning" is a proud part of the American tradition and is an essential part of growing into an adult.

Keep in mind, the child does not earn cash directly. The child earns points. Points may be traded in for whatever is agreed upon in the contract. If you believe your child isn't motivated by cash, feel free to agree on an alternative reward system. However, ask them first, "How would you like to be able to earn cash for doing your homework?" Appeal directly to their self-interest. You will find this far more effective than appealing to some abstract sense of obligation or morality.

SOME POINTS TO KEEP IN MIND

1. To paraphrase Albert Shanker, the late president of the American Federation of Teachers: "Kids are just like adults. They'll do whatever they have to in order to get what they want. If they can get what they want - inflated grades, social promotion, diploma by attendance, open admission to college, free money and privileges - without any real work, then don't expect them to work. Kids aren't stupid."
2. Going to school is a child's job. Since I get paid for my job, I believe my children should also have the opportunity to earn for doing theirs. No one complains when an adult is paid for doing a good job, why do we complain when we treat children the same? Many parents are willing to pay for chores, why do these same parents hesitate to reward their children for effort that is far more critical to their future success?
3. The idea of studying out of a "love of learning" is a little specious. Yes, it's a goal, and a path towards that goal is to catch children doing the right thing when they are studying, and rewarding them. Should they develop a love of learning, or not, at least they learn that appropriate academic behavior in this life earns, and that inappropriate behavior sets them up for failure. Now, that is a lesson worth learning.
4. Children need stuff. There are only two choices, either we give them what they want arbitrarily, or we allow them to earn what they want. I far prefer being out of the middle of the "I wants" and being able to say, "No problem, when you earn it you've got it." This allows the child real power and is a very powerful lesson that can't be learned too early. The problem is, of course, many parents will undermine this model in their desperate need to be liked and to have a friend. Consistency is the key to effective contracts.
5. Paying for chores and other family responsibilities is of the devil. I do not get paid for doing chores, my wife does not get paid, why should my children? Children, as part of the family team, are responsible for certain unnegotiable chores.
6. Rewarding good behavior is how children learn the difference between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. What we are doing is accelerating the learning process. Parents and teachers, certainly, have no problem catching children doing the wrong thing and punishing, why does catching them doing the right thing and rewarding appear so foreign?
7. Reward behavior daily that leads to good grades on report cards, not the report cards themselves - they are weeks and months down the road.
8. Keep in mind, you don't reward studying, you don't reward good grades. The only thing you reward are three easily observed behaviors: starting on time; staying on task; completing assignments.
9. A person is fortunate to be born with one or two "talents," or , "loves." We discover those things we love by doing them.
   
   Skiing is an example. We are not born with the skill to ski. We develop this skill through doing. As we become skilled, some people develop a passion, a "love." Doing before loving is one of the brainsarefun maxims.
   

Most of us do not know what we "love" without doing it first. Contracts allow us to be rewarded for doing those things we don't yet love. Perhaps through doing, we shall learn to love.

Let's discuss the child who doesn't seem motivated and is behaving poorly. Unmotivated students, students who don't appear to be motivated by rewards, are probably extremely shamed, embarrassed and discouraged. They feel like losers. They appear to have given up. Nothing matters. No matter what they try they believe they will fail. They are without trust. All they have left is the manipulation of adults through failure. This is why it's so important to stop criticizing and to establish contracts ( a One Way Contract perhaps, see Appendix) that will reward them for even the smallest effort to start on time, stay on task, complete assignments. This type of student needs a massive rebuilding of self-esteem. The royal road to self-esteem is the achievement of concrete objectives.

Let's discus the child who is highly motivated and is behaving well. Motivated students (the top 20%) are already doing the right thing. Parents and teachers do not hesitate to reward these students with social approbation and acceptance. There is no reason to refrain from these rewards. Reinforce, reinforce, reinforce. Let these students know that what they are doing continues to be the correct choice -- that their behavior will pay off now and in the future.

Too often we ignore good behavior and put our focus on the bad. This result, many times, is that good students end up being nearly ignored except at report card time. Even then we may adopt the attitude that since they have always performed well they will continue, "What's new? Ho! Hum! Good job. What's for dinner?" Keeping even the best students on earning contracts requires the parents to stay involved. The importance of parents being involved in the lives of their children can not be overstated.

Additional articles of great value:

1. A Menu of Effective Rewards
2. Rewarding Behavior
3. Some Additional Thoughts on Rewards

COPYRIGHT NOTICE: REWARDS © April 2001 by Rory Donaldson. All rights reserved. In order to help reverse the tide of academic failure and optimize school success, parents and teachers may copy articles, tools and software for individual, non-commercial use at no charge. Contents may not be sold or repackaged in any manner without the written permission of Rory Donaldson. Since all material is copyrighted, please ensure that this entire copyright notice and contact information continues to be attached to each article you download. Mr. Donaldson appreciates the feedback. Additional academic-success articles and tools may be viewed and downloaded at no charge by logging on to brainsarefun.com. New titles are being released regularly. Suggestions and comments encouraged, email: roryd@brainsarefun.com.

This document may be printed directly from your browser, or cut into your word processor for additional formatting.