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- Define success
- Assign homework that drills to mastery
- Motivation leads to change
- No more allowances
- Define what behavior wins
- Catch students doing the right thing
- Reward immediately
- Contracts define cooperation
- Delay your criticisms, negative responses and take-aways
- Be consistent
TOOL #1 - DEFINE SUCCESS
The primary definition of success is hearing your child say, "I am doing it," " I did it," "I can do it!"
Beginning with the end in mind, you know your children are succeeding when you hear,
"I brought my assignment home."
"Will you help me with this problem?"
"I started on time."
"I passed the test."
"I finished the book"
"I can read that."
"I earned my points."
"I finished my homework."
"I bought it with my own money."
TOOL #2 - ASSIGN HOMEWORK THAT DRILLS TO MASTERY
The homework hour is not a literal 60 minutes. For a five-year old it may be 5 minutes. For a high school senior it may be two hours. The point is not to create literal and inflexible guidelines, but to negotiate contracts that establish frameworks for success.
The goal of brainsarefun is to provide these successes during that one brief period a day over which parents have real control, The Homework Hour. Experiencing self control and success during this time increases self-control and achievement in a variety of areas, including school.
TOOL #3 - MOTIVATION LEADS TO CHANGE
No matter how serious the problem, no matter how much pain it causes, unless your child is motivated to change, there will be no change. This is a discovery most adults have made -- that we succeed when we are motivated. The same is true for our children.
You can preach. You can criticize. You can lecture, embarrass and shame. You can threaten and take away privileges.
These are all hooks without worms.
If sermons, criticisms, lectures, embarrassment and arguments were effective motivators your child would be a saint. There would be little reason for you to be looking through these pages.
You are going to bait the hook. Not with promises, not with threats, not with punishments, but with meaningful rewards. In short, the greatest motivator at your disposal is your child's own self-interest. Ask yourself, "What are the rewards that are really meaningful to my child?"
TOOL #4 - NO MORE ALLOWANCES
Every home is filled with rewards, ways in which children get their hands on some of the extras our society has to offer: pizza, burgers, movies, video games, trips to the mall, expensive athletic shoes, new clothes...
When parents are in the mood, and have a few extra dollars, the child gets rewarded. When parents are tired, feeling broke, or when the child has been acting up, there are no rewards.
At the core of children's confusion is the inconsistency and arbitrary nature of rewards. There usually are no clear ground rules spelled out how rewards may be earned. Free and arbitrary rewards need to be replaced with clear guidelines, expectations and opportunities to earn.
From now on:
o No more allowances
o No more payment for chores
o Money earned from part-time-jobs goes into long-term savings
o Gifts of cash go into long-term savings
It's time to put an end to free rewards. Rewards are the byproduct of effort. In short, when they earn 'em, they have 'em, and the only way to earn them is by exhibiting the three fundamental behaviors of success. (See next tool.)
TOOL #5 - DEFINE WHAT BEHAVIOR WINS
Children should have their earning limited to academic behavior only:
o Starting homework on time
o Staying on task for the entire time it takes them to do their
homework (focus)
o Completing their homework assignments and getting them turned
in on time.
When children exhibit these three behaviors, the fundamental requirements for success with homework, success at school and success in the workplace, they earn points. Points are turned in daily for a wide variety of rewards, including cash.
TOOL #6 - CATCH STUDENTS DOING THE RIGHT THING
Catching children doing the right thing and rewarding them immediately is the royal road to academic achievement and self-confidence. Creating academic environments at a home where children are caught succeeding is the solution to the problem of not enough success at school. When children gain control over their behavior in one area they tend to gain control over their behavior in other areas as well.
Children are doing the right thing far more than we usually recognize. It is our job to search for these correct behaviors and take the emphasis off of all the things children do incorrectly. Finding incorrect behavior is too easy. Catching them doing the right thing is the challenge:
Writing down assignments;
Finishing assignments;
Bringing assignments home;
Turning in homework;
Bringing correct materials home;
Earning points;
Starting homework on time;
Living up to commitments;
Staying on task (focus);
Working accurately.
TOOL #7 - REWARD IMMEDIATELY
Long-term rewards do not work. It is not sufficient to say that you will pay a reward for every good grade at the end of the semester. The reward is too abstract and can't be tied to specific behavior. In fact, long-term rewards can backfire, having to be paid-out even though the child may have recently made some very poor choices.
The basic psychological tenet is: Behavior that is rewarded is the behavior that will be repeated. What kinds of rewards are meaningful to children? The same rewards that are meaningful to adults:
Cash, Toys,
Food, Movies,
Time with Mom and Dad, A special trip to the mall,
Television time, Video games,
A walk, Hugs and kisses.
When these rewards are paid out immediately, every time good behavior is exhibited, the behavior will be repeated.
Payment cannot be postponed until the end of the week, or even until the end of the day. Children must learn to trust that when they live up to the terms of their contracts they will be paid-out immediately. No delays. No excuses. No take-aways.
TOOL #8 - CONTRACTS DEFINE COOPERATION
The essence of brainsarefun hinges on negotiating sound contracts that focus on solutions rather than problems. Contracts stack the deck in favor of the child because the rules are clearly defined and the rewards plainly spelled out.
The choice is in the hands of the child: Live up to the terms of the contract and earn your points. Ignore the terms of the contract and there are no points earned.
Responsibility for behavior is continually thrown back into the lap of the child. When points are earned they may be turned in for agreed upon rewards on a daily basis.
TOOL # 9 - DELAY YOUR NEGATIVE RESPONSES AND TAKE-AWAYS
Since the focus of this program is on catching your children doing the right thing and rewarding them immediately, you are going to have to make a conscious effort to reduce your criticisms, lectures, admonishments, general nagging and suggestions for improvement. They simply aren't working.
At this point, one of a parent's primary tasks is to re-establish trust. Children who haven't been experiencing enough academic success are not going to suddenly respond to more of the same. They are going to continue to turn off.
What these children need are new opportunities to succeed and
very clear guidelines that spell out exactly what success looks
like.
When parents feel themselves begin to gear up for another confrontation
they must learn to turn away, remain silent and leave the room.
Providing your children with one more round will not accomplish
what you want and runs the risk of developing additional mistrust.
Rather than threatening to take away privileges, turn the tables. When the child has earned it, it is theirs. Once again, when the terms of the contracts are met, the rewards are earned. There is nothing left to take away.
TOOL #10 - BE CONSISTENT
Rewarding children consistently is a major key to the success of this program. Your children must learn to trust that when they exhibit certain behaviors, you are going to live up to your part of the contract.
Developing this type of daily consistency is very difficult, but by doing so you are sending a very clear message, "This is really important. I really mean it." Only when you live up to your part of the contract can you reasonably expect you children to live up to theirs.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE: TEN SUCCESS TOOLS © April 2001 by Rory Donaldson. All rights reserved. In order to help reverse the tide of academic failure and optimize school success, parents and teachers may copy articles, tools and software for individual, non-commercial use at no charge. Contents may not be sold or repackaged in any manner without the written permission of Rory Donaldson. Since all material is copyrighted, please ensure that this entire copyright notice and contact information continues to be attached to each article you download. Mr. Donaldson appreciates the feedback. Additional academic-success articles and tools may be viewed and downloaded at no charge by logging on to brainsarefun.com. New titles are being released regularly. Suggestions and comments encouraged, email: roryd@brainsarefun.com.
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